Baffled by the reality of Smooth Femdom

I’m not a dominatrix. I often ignore the many emails I receive from guys seeking a dominatrix, and referring to me as Mistress. However, when they send me repeated emails, they are often baffled when I respond that I am not a dominatrix, and to bugger off. I suspect they don’t really know what Smooth Femdom really is. The following is a more complete explanation of Smooth Femdom.

Smooth Femdom refers to a gynocentric relationship. Smooth is a metaphor for effortlessly exerting her will with ease and without roughness. While the term Femdom is a metaphore for the dominant female prerogative.

Male domination refers to 1) sociological system, and 2) particular sexual activities. The sociological system is Patriarchy. Patriarchy is a system of social organization characterized by male dominance. The sexual activities refer to Male dominance which consists of BDSM activities where the dominant partner is male. Often the dominant partner uses aggressive, rough, insensitive brutality to force ones subject into submission.

The male fantasy factory and desire machines have created a demand for internet entrepreneurs to conjure up images of the manufactured female version of the male dominant. Unfortunately, it is a distortion of female domination. Female dominants are not the patriarchal dominant porn construct of the Femdom characters distributed thought out the internet. Female domination existed in cultures going back more than 5000 years, and although it's unconventional, many gynocentric households exist today. There are some similarities between Female domination and Male domination, BUT the two destinctly differ.

In the same respect Female dominance is a 1) sociological system and 2), can pertain to psycho-sexual activities. The sociological system is Matriarchy. Matriarchy is a system of social organization characterized by Female dominance or gynocentrism. However, due to the physical differences between men and women, and their different physical and emotional needs, the psycho-sexual activity refers to her Dominant Female Prerogative, rather than the superiority of physical strength. The gynocentric prerogative is broken into two groups; the Goddess, and the Dominatrix.

The Goddess and the Dominatrix have different interests and varying approaches. The Goddess is a deity, while the Dominatrix is a servicer. The Goddess is multi-demsional, into the metaphysics, willful, independent and intense. While the Dominatrix is a monolithic character who becomes her subject’s puppet to act out his fetish list of being sexually dominated. The Goddess chooses her own path in guiding a man to spiritual ecstasy. While the Dominatrix exists to fulfill a man’s fantasy fetish list his way. The Goddess is into tantric devotion and hypnotic cosmic connections. While a Dominatrix is into whatever a man tells her he wants in order to get him off in a scene. The Goddess may partake in revelry and mischief if she pleases, as a form of foreplay and mating ritual. Conversely, the Dominatrix is only there for the revelry to work his kinks. The Goddess is rooted in who she is, determined, quirky,charming and sometimes even witty. While the Dominatrix remains in character as the dark stern corporal punisher patriarchal contruct.

Smooth Femdom refers to the developing relations between a Goddess and the object of her affection. While in the sphere of the internet porn, femdom refers to the dominatrix servicing a man to his pleasure. There is a DIFFERNCE. Reality vs Fantasy.

Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century

Yesterday, I was discussing smooth femdom with a friend who asked how do I know this information; questioning the bases of my opinions on Femdom. My answer was simply reading. Then I inquired about his daily reads. The unexpected response revealed that one won't find Femdom and Tantric Devotion concepts on the cover of sports pages, nor in throws of history novels. At that point, our communication became so much like the typical Man from Venus/Woman from Mars discussion on the inferences and issues of smooth femdom and tantric devotion. This prompted me to post a recommendation to read the book Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century. The author Barbara Carrellas thoroughly breaks down the ancient practice of Tantra for "the modern sexual explorers desiring to push past their edge in search of the great cosmic orgasm". This book explains the terms and concepts of tantra, the dynamic of moving chakra energy, ecstacy and heightened intimacy which are components of smooth femdom. It can be used as a guide to heightened intimacy, ecstasy, and achieve sexual and spiritual bliss. Maybe, Mars will understand what Venus is saying as it pertains to smooth femdom.

In the clip below, the author Barbara Carrellas speaks on the Sex and Sensuality Panel at the 2008 Yoga and Raw Foods Expo in New York City. The author parlays her revelation of ecstatic "sacred sex". hmmmm sounds like Smooth Femdom musing to me.



Amazon source on Urban Trantra - Barbara Carrellas is an author, sex educator, and theater artist. Her pioneering Urban Tantra® workshops were named best in New York City by TimeOut/New York magazine. She is also the cofounder of Erotic Awakening, a groundbreaking series of workshops that toured the United States and Australia. Barbara has been featured in several episodes of HBO’s Real Sex. She is also the author of Luxurious Loving: Tantric Inspirations for Passion and Pleasure, numerous articles and essays, and an audio series, The Pleasure Principle. Barbara lives in New York City with her partner, trailblazing gender theory author Kate Bornstein

The FemDom Construct should be defined by a Woman

The FemDom construct should be defined by women. The common patriarchal dominant construct of femdom falsely suggest that a woman has the same physical needs and sexual needs as men. In actuality, the sexual build up for men and women are different, because our bodies are different and we are socialized differently.


A woman's sensual body is not the female version of a man's sensual body. Many Femdom blogs are written from the fantasies of horny men. Frankly, it's topping from the bottom when he defines for her what her chakra spinners aught to be, rather than understand what they actually are. For example, a woman's clitoris is not a tiny penis. Therefore, when a man engages in cunnilingus he shouldn't repeatedly wack my clitoris with his tongue. Because it does nothing for me, other than being an annoyance. Where in a man can be roughly taken to the edge by yanking and sucking his penis sensually. We are different, and our bodies work differently. A woman needs more tongue penetration. His slippery tongue should go as deeply into my vaginal canal as far as he can get it to reach. He should suck out the "cooch juice" ,rim the vaginal opening, kiss the vaginal opening, and lick the vaginal walls which actually creates kinetic energy that ignites the spinning of the chakras and awakens the kundalini. Moreover, gently sucking the labia, gently sucking and licking the clitoris, and licking the internal walls of the vaginal canal generates energy that creates and epic orgasm. He should lick it in a rhythmic upward motion, instead of a that fast circular motion that porn promotes. The easiest way to train a man to bring me to orgasm is to pour a little chardenay or orange juice in the opening of the vagina while he is licking and let him lick and suck it up with the intent to keep drops from falling on the sheets. The result is an orgasmic explosion.

Frankly, I prefer a real orgasm to faking it. The point is that the Femdom experience should be defined by the Fem not the Men.